Skip to main content

Roastergeek Magazine, June 2020

It is a well worn cliche to say that a roaster “came out of nowhere” these days in our fast changing industry but in this month’s issue we have a roaster that literally came out of nowhere. In easily one of the strangest developments in Craft Coffee, Redshift Coffee Roasters burst on the scene in 2017, seemingly from thin air. Nobody knew where they came from, or indeed, if they existed at all. Stranger still was there commitment to an entirely new form of coffee sourcing, Cryptic Trade, and their secretive roasting ideology, the Esoteric Order of Roast Masters.

Roastergeek Magazine had the pleasure to sit down with the head roaster and leader of the Esoteric Order of Roast Masters from Redshift Coffee, Henry Armitage, and learn more about this enigmatic roasting company.

Roastergeek Magazine (RM): Good day, Mr. Armitage. We’re thrilled to have the opportunity to delve into the enigmatic world of Redshift Coffee and its unique origins. Could you enlighten our readers about the premise behind your unique coffee beans?

Henry Armitage (HA): Pleasure to be here, and thank you for having me. Redshift Coffee’s essence lies in our pursuit of the extraordinary. We traverse parallel dimensions to source our beans from a world untouched by humanity, where nature thrives in its purest form. These beans carry the essence of a realm devoid of human contamination.

RM: Fascinating! How do you manage to source beans from such a distinct parallel world?

HA: Obviously, we are not the first to travel to parallel worlds, there are a number of groups who developed ways of dimensional travel long before us. But these groups were limited to traveling either only psychically or with just their own body. Redshift was founded by a group of renegade occult scientists that were intimately involved in just these projects. What sets us apart is our exclusive sonic field generator that establishes a stable trans-dimensional gateway. The gateway allows us to transport physical objects across dimensional space. This allows us to source our coffee beans from a parallel world that is exactly like ours except it is devoid of human beings. We call this coffee Java2 after our original settlement. We can instantly transport coffee from almost any location from this pristine world using just geo-coordinates. 

RM: That’s incredible. Could you shed some light on the alchemical process used to roast these beans?

HA: Certainly. Our approach is a fusion of scientific precision and hermetic mysticism that we call hermetic science. It’s an intricate process that involves ancient knowledge and the convergence of esoteric arts. The roasting of coffee beans from other dimensions requires special equipment and techniques. We’ve tapped into the teachings of 18th-century Sufi alchemist Jabir ibn Hayaan, who crafted the Phlogiston Theory, uniting the essence of heat and light. This theory serves as the foundation of our hermetic alchemy, enabling us to roast coffee beans that are not of our world. The Phlogiston Theory guides us as we unify heat and light, creating an alchemical chamber where the beans undergo a pyrolytic metamorphosis. This transformation harnesses the essence of this untouched realm, culminating in the perfect roast that captures the pristine nature of that parallel world.

RM: It sounds almost otherworldly! How do you ensure consistency in flavor and quality?

HA: Ah, consistency is indeed paramount. We rely on a blend of science and sorcery and the guidance of ancient principles. This is where the Esoteric Order of Roast Masters comes in. It takes years of study and practice to become an adept in the art of hermetic roasting. For us, roasting is a meditative art and practice giving new meaning to the dark arts. Each batch is meticulously monitored, and our patented roasting techniques, though imbued with mysticism, are rooted in precision and rigorous quality control measures. 

RM: Many consumers are intrigued by the mystical aspects. How do you balance the mystique with modern craft coffee culture?

HA: It’s a delicate equilibrium, merging the mystique of our process with the appreciation of modern craft coffee. We believe that true coffee devotees have grown weary of the countless copycat roasters all parroting the same look and message. We aim to invite our patrons into the realm of the arcane while offering an experience that transcends the ordinary cup of coffee. Redshift Coffee embodies the harmonious marriage of ancient wisdom and contemporary discernment.

RM: Fascinating! How do you ensure ethical sourcing and sustainability in obtaining these unique coffee beans?

HA: Ethical sourcing and sustainability are at the core of Redshift Coffee’s values. We have reached a tipping point with Climate Change in our world. We believe that the only true sustainable coffee is sourced from worlds other than our own. In that way we protect our own environment. And since there are no humans living in Java2 we don’t have to worry about ethical sourcing relationships. This is truly guilt free coffee. This is the essence of Cryptic Trade.

RM: Truly captivating! And finally, what’s next for Redshift Coffee?

HA: Our journey is one of continual exploration and refinement. We’re devoted to unveiling new dimensions of flavor, perfecting our alchemical process while staying true to the ethos of our origins. Innovation coupled with reverence for tradition guides our path forward.

RM: Thank you, Mr. Armitage, for sharing this mesmerizing insight into the world of Redshift Coffee. It’s been an illuminating conversation.

HA: The pleasure was mine. And now I must ask you to forget everything you have heard. I was never here. This conversation did not happen.

This interview showcases the mystique and craftsmanship behind Redshift Coffee, offering a glimpse into the amalgamation of ancient wisdom and modern coffee culture.